LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE

It is ok to be bright.

I have STRUGGLED with this at so many different times in my life and there are so many times that I allowed myself to STAY in the same place for way TOO LONG just so I would NOT shine brighter than those around me. (As a SIDE NOTE this was not intentional and it took me a long time to figure this out.)

I have had FRIENDS where if I had something amazing happen and their REACTION would be congratulations and remember that time…, then they would bring up something STUPID I had done in my PAST – and trust me I have done a lot of stupid things. But they would mention it up just to BRING ME DOWN a notch or two.  When my light was getting BRIGHTER, they would say or do something to DIM IT just that little bit every single time. It took me a long time to realize that my CHANGE was something they were AFRAID of and that some people in your life would just like you to STAY exactly where you are because that works for THEM and makes them feel COMFORTABLE.  They FEAR your friendship CHANGING and want it to me the same FOREVER.  Intentionally or not they HOLD you in the SAME place and every time you get a SPARK to ignite your LIGHT they are they to BLOW IT OUT.  

I have had BOYFRIENDS where I had to SHRINK who I was to MAKE IT WORK because of the fragile male ego.  When your boyfriend or life partner gets DOWN in the dumps because they feel like “EVERYONE likes you and NO ONE likes me”. (This was NOT TRUE but a story they were telling themselves.)  Your career is TAKING OFF and well theirs is STAGNANT or not going where they want it to.  They look at you as being SUCCESSFUL and them as NOT.  They become the VICTIM and then you CHANGE to make them FEEL BETTER.  You GIVE some of your light to them in order to allow them to shine brighter and feel better BUT if this is ongoing it is NOT SUSTAINABLE.  When you are continually giving your light away you can FADE into the DARKNESS.  You STOP chasing your DREAMS and put too much effort into a partnership that is NEVER going to work.  You LOSE focus on making sure you are taking care of YOURSELF. You LOSE your LIGHT.

In BUSINESS I had to SHRINK to fit in on teams. I have always been a high performer – not by my thoughts but according to my manager.  During performance review meetings I would rate myself a 6 or 7 out of 10 and identify 101 different ways I could have done a BETTER job. My manager would try to explain to me that was in part why I was a high performer.  I didn’t really get it until I managed other people.

I always want to do an EXCELLENT job… not just a good job but excellent and I was so hard on myself if something was not PERFECT or could have been done better.  I would work all night just to GET IT RIGHT before a big presentation to go over it again and again.  

After the presentation and your boss, team lead or client tells you – “You did a GREAT JOB!”  You should be happy, everyone on your TEAM should be happy but some of your colleagues don’t celebrate THE WIN and INSTEAD give you the sly eye and rumour has it you are a kiss ass.  Instead of celebrating the win – they want to make EXCUSES for your success or TEAR YOU DOWN.  This can also DIM your light IF you want to fit in OR if it continues to happen over and over again.  You might start offering LESS ideas, NOT volunteer for additional work as much and your light is just a DULL reflection of what you used to be.

In any and all of these situations I used to feel BAD when these things happened.  I couldn’t understand WHY other people wouldn’t celebrate the WINS, the REALTIONSHIP, or the SUCCESS. 

It took me a long time and a lot of inner work to realize that NOT EVERYONE is hard wired to RECOGNIZE their OWN LIGHT or how they CONTRIBUTE to a friendship, a relationship with a partner or a work team.

Imagine if more people could not only SHINE their own light BRIGHTER but also recognize how the light of others LIFTS them, HELPS them change or grow and that CHANGE is ok and even good for everyone.

One thing I have learned is you only live this JOURNEY one time and sometimes you need to make some HARD DECISIONS to continue to GROW, EVOLVE and SHINE BRIGHTER.

So instead of dimming my light I do believe I should SHINE BRIGHT and SO SHOULD YOU.  It is good for you but it is also BENEFICIAL to all the people around you.

Now I say:

• NO to those that want to hold me back or keep me in the same place.
• YES to heading in the direction that will allow me to shine bright.
• NO I don’t need to slow down.
• YES you need to learn to run faster if you want to catch up.

TAKE ACTION: LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE

1. What or who is holding you back from letting your light shine?
2. What do you need to do to shine brighter?
3. What is one change you need to make to let your light shine?

Until next time,